Day 7: Sunday

Final Thoughts:

Today is Sunday, the final day of the SNAP Challenge. I'm feeling slightly nauseous, and I'm not sure if its from the thought of eating pasta with red sauce yet again, or if its because of the mixed emotions I feel, knowing that I will be able to go back to Dhall again and eat normally tomorrow. Knowing I only have a few more hours left of this challenge honestly makes me feel pretty relieved. This week has been stressful for multiple reasons. Not only was I juggling all of my classes/school work, my job, my social life, and my acapella group, I also had to carefully plan each and every individual meal I ate. Eating has never ever been a source of stress for me. Usually it is a stress reliever. I look forward to my meals because I know that they are a time for me to relax, catch up with friends, and take a break from the chaos that surrounds me. I have to admit that with the exception of Dalyan and Carlie's company, eating was a lonely, inconvenient, stressful, and unenjoyable time for me. Instead of looking forward to meal times, I dreaded them, because food no longer made me happy. Instead, I became a much more anxious, moody, and unengaged person. 

My parents have always taught me that if you work hard, apply yourself, and are motivated you can overcome any challenge you face. This week was the first time I ever questioned that philosophy.

I remember multiple times when my parents and I drove into Boston during the winter time, and we would pass by someone shivering on the sidewalk, holding a cardboard sign, asking for money or food. After locking the doors to the car, my mom would look out the window and shake her head sympathetically, and say, "Its just so sad..I just wish they would go out and try to find work instead of spending all day on this street corner..how is standing in one place going to ever help them move forward in life?" Back then, I completely agreed with her. At the time, her words seemed completely rational to me. Now...not so much. 

This week I learned that you cannot overcome any challenge you face just because you work hard and are motivated. During the poverty simulation, I was so determined to build a better life for myself, but no matter how hard I tried, I barely ended up with enough money to make ends meet. I was consumed by frustration and anger because no matter how many times I tried to take a step forward, it felt like I was being shoved backwards. When people say that hard work and motivation is the key to success, I know what they are trying to say, but they definitely need a reality check. The reality is that there are MILLIONS of people who want to make a better life for themselves. I guarantee that the people who are begging for food or money on street corners want to get a job, sleep in a house, and have a satisfied stomach at night. The lack of desire to succeed is NOT the problem. The problem is that these people lack access to nutritious and filling foods that will give them the energy and physical capability to take that necessary step forward. 

Our society loves hearing stories about people who started with very little means but were still able to achieve great success. I wonder when our nation will finally understand that these rags to riches stories are not reality. People cannot just pick themselves up by their bootstraps, work hard, and magically achieve success. Poverty is vicious, vicious cycle, and unfortunately it cannot be broken by the power of pure will. This week, I struggled to maintain my usual routine. I was constantly agitated and lethargic, and I realized doing the bare minimum so that I would not be expending too much energy. I cannot say that I truly understand how it feels to be poor and starving, but I can say that I experienced a fraction of that struggle. Participating in the SNAP Challenge was an experience that I will never forget, and although it sounds cliché, it truly helped me to step out of my bubble and become a more empathetic person.   

I believe that overcoming a challenge infers that there is a moment of triumph - a moment where you have reached the peak of the mountain and you can stretch out your arms and scream until your lungs burst, because you did it, you reached the top. I thought that on the last day of the SNAP Challenge I would have this moment of triumph...but it never happened. Sure, I guess you could say I overcame this challenge, but I don't really feel like I accomplished anything. Instead, I stepped into the shoes of someone who is far less fortunate than myself and experienced what they go through every day. I played pretend for a week, so that I could experience someone else's reality. 

Day 6: Saturday

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!!

I believe Valentines Day (or GALentines Day as Carlie and I like to call it) is a holiday that basically encourages all people to eat copious amounts of food like chocolate to either celebrate a relationship, or wallow in the fact that you are alone. So naturally, I received cupcakes from my mother this morning with a balloon and note attached saying "Hope you and Carlie enjoy these :)" Thanks for automatically assuming I wouldn't be sharing them with a guy mom....

   

When I opened the box, my mouth literally started to water. I tried to take a selfie you could see the physical drool, but it was pretty difficult to capture, and was also pretty gross and embarrassing. 

Here are some pictures of what the cupcakes looked like. I sent the first picture to my mom and thanked her for the surprise...but minutes later I sent her the second picture (the chocolate cupcake in front of my bananas and oatmeal) and reminded her that I was still participating in the SNAP Challenge. Although her intentions were good, she felt so guilty for sending me such a torturous gift! I comforted her by telling her that I couldn't wait to eat them on Monday for breakfast ;) 

Its hard to tell from the picture above, but the underside of those bananas has become completely brown and mushy. I tried to choke one down for breakfast this morning, and I couldn't make myself eat even half. When I was buying all my food for the week, I stupidly didn't think about the fact that food like bananas might go bad. I thought I had been smart to buy about 10 bananas at the beginning of the week (they were on sale and I knew I could have at least one a day), but now I realize that my logic was way off. I should have split up the purchase and bought the second half later in the week, because the bananas got too ripe and I just ended up wasting my money. 

On Saturdays I usually hop from room to room in North and say hi to my friends and hear about how their nights were. Today I found that every room I walked into was filled with girls munching away on pretzels, popcorn, and every hangover food you could imagine. Again, I basically had to sit on my hands to prevent myself from absentmindedly reaching into the bowls of snacks that sat in the middle of the floor. Throughout the week I have truly been amazed by how insensitive my friends have been to this challenge. Carlie has been basically been the only friend that has not only supported me by encouraging me daily to stick with it, but she has also done the challenge with me, just because she wanted to experience it for herself. No matter how often I explain the SNAP challenge, my other friends just don't seem to get it. 

"Why don't you just cheat, Al? Its not that big of a deal, you don't have to tell your professor or anything, who is gonna know?" 

If I had a dime for every time I heard that phrase this week I could probably buy another $4.20 worth of extra food. 

For some reason my friends and I are experiencing a massive disconnect. They can't seem to understand why I don't want to cheat. I know that the food I have been eating has made me become an exhausted, moody, and irritable friend, and I understand that they want me to act like my normal self again - I just wish they could see beyond the fact that this is a class assignment, and understand that my grumbling stomach and sluggish behavior are representative of a problem that is so much bigger than ourselves. The ignorance that has surrounded me this week has been one of the most enlightening parts of this experience, and I honestly think that every student at Richmond should participate in this challenge, so they can step out of their affluent bubble and understand the value of perspective. 

Day 5: Friday

Friday the 13th:

I am a very superstitious person and ever since I can remember, I have always hated Friday the 13th. My bad luck began this morning when I slept through my alarm and woke up at 10:10 and barely made it in time to my 10:30 class. I'm sure I looked like a hot mess in my sweatshirt and baseball cap and bouncing backpack as I walk/jogged to class. As I ran to class I snarfed down oatmeal with banana and had a piece of stale bread with an excessive amount of peanut butter. When I finally sat down in class (a little sweaty and definitely winded) I dug through my bag for my water bottle only to realize that I had left it on my desk. My professor doesn't like when we leave the classroom, so I couldn't step outside and get water from the fountain to wash down the peanut butter that was stuck to the roof of my mouth. Safe to say I had a great start to my day.

I managed to get a pretty decent picture of my gourmet meal as I ran down the stairs to class

After class I went back to North because I desperately needed to do laundry..but of course after I had lugged my entire hamper of laundry down three flights of stairs, every machine was full..just my luck. Eventually a few machines opened up and I spent the rest of the afternoon washing my clothes and cleaning my room. As I cleaned and tried to get my life back in order, I began to notice how tired and sluggish I felt. I had slept well the night before (and even got an extra hour because I slept in), so I knew that was not the source of my grogginess. I'm starting to realize that I've been eating primarily carbs all week long, my meals have been so repetitive, and the limited choices I have to eat are not giving me the energy I need to fuel my busy days.

Later in the afternoon, around 3:00pm, Dalyan came over for a late lunch and ate pasta with Carlie and me on our (recently vacuumed) floor, and the three of us ate and talked for almost 3 hours. Obviously I was great friends with Carlie before the SNAP Challenge because we live together, but it has been really fun for us to spend time with Dalyan and get to know him better..the challenge has made the three of us become really close in the past week

Although Friday the 13th is considered to be an unlucky day, this week has shown me how incredibly lucky I really am. I am so fortunate that my problems today consisted of sleeping through my alarm, forgetting my water, and being frustrated while trying to do laundry. These aren't real "problems" -they are inconveniences, and petty nuisances. Real problems are not knowing how or when you are going to get your next meal, and I am so thankful that I have never had to worry about that. Every day I take this incredible life I have been given for granted. I to to the University of Richmond, one of the most expensive schools in the country, I have a happy, healthy, loving family, and I have always been able to afford good, healthy food. This challenge is all about seeing things from a new perspective, and after having stepped into a lifestyle so different from my own, I know I will appreciate what I have infinitely more.

Day 4: Thursday

Big/Little Reveal:

Today is a very special day for my sorority, Theta. Today is the day that we finally reveal to the new member class who their "big sisters" are. We've spent the entire week tricking them, leaving them gifts, and keeping our identities a secret, and tonight is finally the big reveal! After the reveal, it is also tradition that each family goes out together for a celebratory dinner. I have to admit that I've been more nervous about how I am going to navigate this dinner than how my little is going to react when she sees that I'm her big. Earlier in the week I left about $8 in my budget to spend tonight, but I have no idea if there is going to be something on the menu that is $8 and also a filling entrée.

I SNAPPED: 

So the excitement of Big/Little reveal is over, and I am now back in my room and have been lying down on my bed with my knees tucked in for the past half hour because my stomach hurts so badly. I snapped tonight. I totally, completely, and shamefully snapped. When we arrived at Stuzzi's I knew I was in trouble. Italian food is my all time, absolute favorite. But I knew that I only had $8 left to spend on one entrée, and I didn't want to try to manipulate the rules by splitting food with another person. So as a result, I ordered a parmesan and arugala salad for exactly $8 and it was SO good. Compared to my wilted spinach with chunks of carrots, this salad was heavenly. The only problem was that it was also tiny, and as I ate it, I couldn't believe that it cost as much as two days worth of food. When I finished the salad, my tastebuds felt satisfied, but my stomach did not at all.

Once the waitress took away my plate I just sat, drinking my water, watching wistfully as the rest of my friends laughed and shouted across the table, passing pasta and pizza dishes back and forth trying each others food. Even though I was obviously included in the celebration, I felt weirdly on the outside. I think my "big sister" Olivia could tell that I was in a strange place, and 15 minutes later a plate of gnocchi drenched in a creamy tomato basil sauce was placed on the table in between us. Confused, I looked at her as she smiled and motioned towards the plate and said "For us to split.." Despite all of the loud conversation and music in the restaurant, the only thing I could hear was my stomach and my conscious. My head kept saying, "STOP its just pasta you can make pasta in your room at school..don't do it, you're stronger than this!!" and my stomach saying "Eat me and join in on the celebration..this will make you feel satisfied, full, and happy. Go ahead, take one bite, one bite won't hurt anyone."

My stomach won. 

I took one bite and shrugged my shoulders, thinking it wasn't a big deal after all. But then one bite led to another, which led to another..and I'm honestly ashamed to say I finished the whole thing. And now I am laying here, on my bed, literally in pain because my stomach isn't used to eating so much rich food and I am SO mad at myself. WHY did I let my "hunger" override what I knew was the right thing to do. I wasn't actually hungry...I just wasn't satisfied. I was jealous of the happiness that others were getting from enjoying and sharing their food, and I wanted to join in. But I knew better. I could have still completely stuck to the challenge by only eating the $8 salad...but no, I snapped. And the worst part is that I snapped because I could...I snapped because I had the option to. There was a steaming plate of food in front of me, and I had the option to stop playing pretend, step back into my real life and eat the whole thing. People who are receiving SNAP benefits, do not have that option. They can't just shrug their shoulders and say "What the hell, I'll just splurge, eat this one delicious meal, then go back to being poor." I'm so disappointed in myself because I feel like I broke the challenge by completely disregarding everything I had learned about the reality of SNAP benefits in the past few days. Granted, I am learning SO much right now about myself and the choices I just made, but I can't help but feel so ashamed and guilty. 

Day 3: Wednesday

Longest Day of My LIFE:

Here is a glimpse of what my schedule looks like today...safe to say I'm barely going to find enough time to eat let alone blog. As of now it looks like I'll be recapping my day after A Cappella ends at 10:30..but until then, wish me luck!

8:00am: Wake up 

9:00 - 10:15: Marketing

10:30 - 11:45: Critical Thinking and Analysis

12:00 - 1:15: Macroeconomics

1:30: Read case study and eat lunch

3:00 - 4:45: Entrepreneurship and Innovation

5:00 - 7:00: Poverty Simulation

7:00 - 8:00: Initiation Practice for Kappa Alpha Theta

8:30 - 1030: A Cappella Practice
10:30 - Homework

Hello again. Its currently 11pm, I'm sitting in my bed, and I have boycotted doing homework for the rest of the night, I can barely keep my eyes open. Today was one of, if not the busiest day I have ever had at Richmond. My schedule today required a significant amount of caffeine and different foods that would keep me energized throughout the day. Unfortunately, I did not have either of those things.

When I woke up in the morning, I made myself a small portion of oatmeal with some banana and ate it on the way to my Marketing class. I was feeling pretty satisfied throughout the morning, but within the first 10 minutes of my 12:00 Macroeconomics class, my stomach started to gurgle angrily. I thought this was interesting because I don't start to feel hungry at all until the last 15 minutes or so of class. Although my stomach felt relatively full throughout the morning, I was really tired and lethargic in all of my classes, and even though I had a decent sleep last night, I still felt so out of it.

Poverty Simulation:

As you can see in the schedule above, I participated in a poverty simulation with my Justice class from 5:00-7:00pm today. When I arrived at the simulation, the directors gave me a packet of information, told me my name was Stella Smith, and that I should go find my "family" and sit with them. When I finally found my area, it was just a single chair with the name "Smith" on the back. I was surprised and a little confused, so I looked through my packet of information and realized that my character, Stella, was an 85 year old woman who lived in a homeless shelter. As the program coordinators explained how the simulation was going to work, I started to get a little nervous as I looked around at all the families planning how they were going to earn/spend their money wisely. I had no one to talk to, and no one to rely on. Throughout the duration simulation, I was required to try to find housing, pay my utilities bill, buy enough food for the month, pay for my arthritis medicine and pay money to the bank as a pre-funeral deposit. I found that one of the most challenging aspects was how frustrating it was to pay for transportation to the bank, wait in line for several minutes and then just as you were about to pay, the directors of the simulation would tell you to return to your "home" because it was the end of the week. Then, at the beginning of the next week, you had to pay for transportation again and hope that you would finally be helped in time. I thought that being alone in the simulation had its benefits because the only person I had to take care of was myself, but this was a scary thought at the same time. For example, at one point I was waiting in line to pay for food when I realized that food didn't cost $30 for the whole month, it cost $30 per week. For a second, I completely forgot that I was in a simulation. My stomach lurched as I dug through my bag of monopoly money and saw that I wouldn't have enough money to pay for food. In a panic, I looked through the rest of my packet and noticed that I had jewelry that I could sell at the pawn shop to earn extra money and I was able to relax a little.

That's when I understood how real this simulation actually was. Poverty is not a game. Poverty is not something that you can fix by selling a piece of jewelry to earn a little extra cash. There are millions of people who feel the same panic I felt when they realize they don't know how they are going to afford their next meal. I used to think that poverty was something that you could just overcome. I thought it was something you could get out of if you worked hard enough. Now I realize how ignorant I was. No matter how hard I worked, I was only able to experience short term relief, and perpetual frustration.

Really, Richmond?

At the end of the simulation, the directors thanked us for being so engaged and proceeded to encourage us to grab one of the many snacks in the back of the room before we broke up for small group discussions. As I looked around the room, every single student taking a Justice class looked either shocked or confused. After completing an entire simulation about what it is like to live in poverty, we were encouraged to go eat food that we not only didn't need, but also food we weren't technically allowed to eat?? Did the University not realize that after the simulation, half of the students were probably going to walk down the hill and go fill up their plates at Dhall, except for those on the SNAP Challenge? Don't get me wrong..I absolutely love this school, and I am so lucky to be here, but REALLY? After spending 2 hours of our day educating us about the poverty that occurs in the city of Richmond itself, I was shocked that University thinks its acceptable to spend an unnecessary amount of money on food that we of all people do. not. need.

Day 2: Tuesday

Early morning FOMO

My alarm went off this morning at about 7:15 am and I think I pressed snooze about 3 or 4 times. I finally dragged myself out of bed, hopped in the shower, and found myself wondering what I was going to make in Dhall for breakfast..

"Am I in the mood for cereal? Am I patient enough to wait in the egg line today? I wonder if the bacon is crispy like it was this weekend..."

When I walked back into the room, Carlie was running around in her pajamas cutting up bananas and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on her desk and Dalyan was sitting on our floor eating oatmeal. It took me a couple seconds, but I finally remembered that it was only day 2 of the SNAP challenge, and that waffle I had decided to make for breakfast in Dhall was no longer an option. 

As I sit here typing and eating, my phone keeps buzzing with the usual morning chatter of my friends in our large group text message. Messages like, "Dhall in 15??" and "Where are you guys sitting?" keep popping up on my phone, and even though Carlie is here with me, I still can't help but miss the early morning greetings and hubbub in Dhall that usually start my day. 

Lunch

I just finished FaceTiming with my mom and sister who are hunkered down in my house trying to avoid the snow that has been piling up in Boston this week. In the middle of our conversation, my stomach started to grumble so I got up from my desk and made myself a peanut butter and jelly. Carlie left the bag of bread open last night, so the top pieces are already a little stale which I'm pretty bummed about. As I was nibbling on carrot sticks at my desk, my sister sat at our kitchen table and I watched as my mom brought her a bowl of her home-made chicken noodle soup and a gooey melted grilled cheese sandwich. My sister started laughing and she called me out for blatantly staring at her lunch instead of looking at her throughout our conversation. 

After eating lunch I don't feel hungry, but I don't feel full either. I'm just not satisfied at all. I should probably make my way over to the library so that I can get some work done, but first I am going to make Dalyan a PB&J and bring it to the library so that he doesn't have to make the trek all the way back to North/South.

Boatwright Memorial Library

Usually when I walk into the library, the first thing I do is head straight for 8:15. In the past two days I have come to the realization that that the majority of my dining dollars are spent on the black tea lemonade(s) that I drink every day that wake me up and help me tackle my work. I just walked up the stairs to the second floor, and instead of an iced tea in my hand I was holding Dalyan's PB&J. I definitely got a few weird looks when I dropped it off at his table...

...now I'm sitting in the silent section and I feel so tired all of a sudden. I can't tell if its just a placebo affect, or if the SNAP Challenge is already starting to take a toll on me. The list of work I have to do seems so overwhelming right now and I'm in a really grumpy mood. I've been really short with people this afternoon which is unlike me..usually I love to talk to people and socialize, but right now all human interaction is pissing me off..hopefully in the next few hours I can turn my mood around :/

You Want What You Can't Have

After attempting to work in the library from 2:30 to 5:30, I went to a Macroeconomics review session for my quiz tomorrow, then headed to the gym at 7:00 to watch Theta play Delta Gamma in our intramural basketball game. I was really excited to go to the game because I felt like I had barely seen any of my friends in Theta throughout the week, except when I passed them briefly on the way to class, oatmeal in hand. I knew that seeing my friends would improve my mood, but as I was sitting on the bleachers, thinking about whether or not I should make pasta or dinosaur shaped chicken fingers for dinner, my friends Ariana and Annie walked in, with Chipotle and donuts in hand...

On a normal day, if Annie or Ariana offered me a bite of their chipotle or one of their donuts I would have probably said no thanks...but knowing that I was specifically not allowed to accept free food made me actually crave it more...

Food for the Soul

It has been so strange not being able to go into my friend Sky's room and reach my hand into the bag of chocolate covered almonds she always snacks on late at night. Her roommate, Bella, thought something was wrong with me when I didn't ask her to pass the goldfish and pita chips. I've begun to realize that whenever I spend time in their room, we are always snacking on something while we catch up on our days. I guess I never understood that eating with them has turned into something so habitual and is a natural part of my daily routine. I now understand what people mean when they say certain foods are "good for the soul". Sure, my stomach was satisfied by the pasta and salad I had made myself for dinner, but my soul was definitely not. 

Day 1: Monday

Rise and Shine Everyone!

Its almost 8:00am and Carlie has snoozed her alarm twice already..its safe to say that we both have the Monday morning blues. Last night we talked to Dalyan and made plans to use my water heater to boil water and cook oatmeal before heading to our 9:00am classes. He should be coming over in about half an hour, so I'm going to hop in the shower and get ready so we can make breakfast and all eat together!

Breakfast of Champions

Who doesn't love eating oatmeal out of a solo cup right? Dalyan came over this morning at about 8:30 and Carlie and I were still rushing around trying to get ready and simultaneously make breakfast. Poor Dalyan was definitely overwhelmed by the girl world he stepped into first thing in the morning. The three of us ended up eating one packet each of single serve oatmeal, and it actually tasted pretty good. One thing we were surprised by was how small the portion was. As we ate, we talked about how we usually almost fill an entire cereal bowl with oatmeal in Dhall, then load on toppings like granola or fruit. I then began to realize that the amount of oatmeal in my solo cup was basically the amount of cold oatmeal that is usually left sitting at the bottom of my bowl in Dhall, completely untouched. I felt so guilty when I saw that my SNAP Challenge portions were almost equivalent to the amount of food that I waste, and from now on I am going to be so much more aware of not only what I'm eating in Dhall but how much I am putting onto my plate.

What is Opportunity Cost Again??

Right now its about 1:00 and I am sitting in my Macroeconomics class...Now I know I should really be focusing on learning how to calculate Robert's opportunity cost of producing pie and Jane's opportunity cost of producing cupcakes, but I honestly don't care who has the comparative advantage, because ALL I can think about is how good pie and cupcakes sound right now. I'm going to have to rethink my breakfast options because that tiny serving of oatmeal this morning definitely did not fill me up. My stomach has been making weird gurgling noises all morning and I think I'm starting to scare the freshmen that are sitting next to me....

The Lous Blues

As I sit here writing this, I am starting to realize how much I pay attention to my stomach in the last 10 minutes of class before lunch (but I mean come on we are also talking about pie and cupcakes right now so how could I not). But usually I let my mind wander my thoughts go something like this: 

Dhall or Lous?

Its raining and Dhall is too far..so probably Lous.

I wonder how long the line will be at Lous at 1:15?

Am I in the mood for a salad or a sandwich?

I think I'm in the mood for a salad.

Yes definitely a salad. 

Especially if there is avocado.

But what if their isn't avocado today?

Then I guess I'll get a sandwich.....

Today, instead of letting my food fantasies help get me through the last 10 minutes of Macro, I thought about the lunch that I had to run all the way back to North to make after my 9am class in the Bschool. Turns out that picturing a smushed peanut butter and jelly sandwich and baggie of carrot sticks isn't the most satisfying image.

After Macro I sat at a table next to Lous and watched the line grow and weave back towards the stairs. After pulling my baggie of lunch out of my backpack and tossing it on the table, I decided to go check out the prices in Lous and see what, if anything, could fit in my budget. I was standing by the cash register and the drink machine trying to calculate how much my average salad costs, when I became frustrated. I get this salad practically everyday, shouldn't I know exactly how much it costs? I should know..but I don't..because I've never actually looked at the price and thought about what it meant. Usually I don't think twice about the 5-8 dollars I spend because its just "dining dollars" and I pay with a "swipe" instead of actual cash. 

Reality check, Ali...

Buying a measly half salad from Lous is more than an entire days worth of food in the SNAP Challenge.

Dinner

Last year when my roommate and I were shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond for more dorm room necessities, I bought a small water heater so that I could make myself tea in the mornings and before bed. Although we liked the idea of avoiding the freshman 15 by eating healthy and drinking tea, we ended up using the water heater just to make mac and cheese! I knew owning a water heater would be a huge help this week and would allow me to cook pasta conveniently in my dorm room! Here are a few pictures of me attempting to make dinner on my floor!

When I purchased the pasta at the store yesterday, I purposefully bought a box that had 7 servings so that I would have enough to last me throughout the entire week. This meant that I had to carefully measure out how much I was going to cook so I didn't waste any food which was something that I had never really considered doing before. 

Here is a picture of my final creation, which actually was a pretty filling and tasty meal. I made whole wheat pasta with red sauce and parmesan cheese (of course), along with spinach topped with carrots and balsamic dressing!